What I learned Today..Originally blogged on 6/7/09

I learned today that life is very precious. I was so scared when I thought I was having a heart attack. I have had anxiety attacks, but this was very different. This attack was very sneaky and felt very weird. I know that woman have a harder time getting heart attacks diagnosed and are ashamed to be told it is just an anxiety attack or that they don't even see it as a heart attack. I woke tis morning feel okay. Mike and I had a great night last playing cards with friends and when we visit these friends, all our woes go out the window and we have a blast laughing, eating, playing wicked cribbage games(guys vs. gals) and we just have a blast. So as I said earlier, a great fun time. This morning I woke around 9:30 and came out here and got my coffee and just sat to watch some TV with Mike. Well I had a pressure on and in my chest, a pressure between my shoulder blades and couldn't catch my breath. I sat there thinking, it's nothing, but after an hour, I decided to check my symptoms online and there it was. Heart attack symptoms for woman. I am a 49 y/o woman who is greatly out of shape and I smoke. I also have high cholestoral. So....I go into the kitchen, grab an aspirin(just in case) and chew it up. I come back into the livingroom and go to Mike who is laying on the couch. I tell him that I don't want to scare him, but I think I may be having a heart attack. He got up, calmly dressed and calmly drove me to the hospital. I tell them I am having chest pains, they take me right in and before I know it, there are 3-4 nurses asking me and Mike questions, poking me with needles, bloodpressure, just calmly doing their job. I, on the other hand, am crying that I don't want to die and I was so very scared. Mike kept himself calm(he always has been a calm person) and tried to comfort me. I finally settled down, but would lose it every so often and cry and tell them I don't want to die. I was given 2 more baby aspirin, and a Nitroglycerin tablet. Then they asked how I was doing. I was feeling more scared and they gave me an Atavan and then another Nitro tablet about an hour later. Then, the doc decides to give me Lopressor as my BP and pulse rate were way high. We had to explain to the doc that my pulse rate normally runs between 104 and 110 normally. It was up to 150 or more while I was there. Well, the Lopressor did get my BP down and my pulse rate down to 100 or so. Then they took me for chest x-rays. Needless to say, I had suffered an anxiety attack and am so glad that is all it was. I learned how fragile my life is and I need to learn to let things go. All I could think of was how much I have to live for. I am used to be the one sitting by the hospital bed, not being the one in it. I am hoping that I can calm myself down and hoping that everything wrong in our life turns around soon. I need to be here for Mike, my girls, my grandsons and the rest of my family. Don't take life for granted......